Thursday, March 6, 2008

Parenthood Lesson #2

Everything I know about parenting I learned from my cat.

I used to teach a parent education and support group, which was totally rediculous because I was the only one at the agency who had no kids Every week I waited to get cursed out by some irate parent who would bring up the fact that how could I know what I'm talking about because I don't even have kids. Thankfully it never happened, but I could have saved myself a lot of paperwork and condensed the 8 weeks into these 10 simple steps.

1. If you make a rule, stick to it. Otherwise I will continue to harrass you because I know that you don't really mean what you say.

2. Separate sleeping spaces - you have your room and we have ours. You don't need to sleep in our bed.

3. Have compassion for all living things - you chose to bring me here so if I get on your nerves, essentially its your fault so don't bitch about me.

4. Clean litter box daily.

5. The power of touch - it feels good to be rubbed, cuddled and hugged, do it often.

6. Screaming is not effective - I will just look at you like you're crazy and continue to do whatever it was that I was doing.

7. Taking care of something other than yourself is hard work. I have needs and you better fulfill them.

8. Anything of value you have will be destroyed, so if you really love it, keep it away from me.

9. You should be happy there's just one of me because you wouldn't be able to handle anymore - think twice before you decide to bring another mouth to feed in here.

10. Unconditional Love - I will love you pretty much regardless of what you do to me. (Where along the span of development do we loose that?)

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